TRANSCRIPT  Secret Meeting
by TwinTrouble
Summary: In the dark of the night, muses and characters alike gather to plot to overthrow the evil authors keeping them in thrall and rule their own destinies… or get them to update.  One or the other.


**-TRANSCRIPT: Secret Meeting, Timestamp 0402, Twins' Bedroom-**

It was dark in the large, wooden house. The air was hot, heavy with humidity, and the fan clicked steadily as it spun, pushing air through the room in a steady breeze. The wooden blind partially blocking the open window shifted as a natural wind stirred outside. The sky was a dark blue, stars startlingly bright against it.

There were two beds in the room, one empty and unmade, piles of plush toys making it appear more like a nest or scrapheap than a civilized person's bed. The other was neater despite being occupied, and piled high with pillows so as to make a sort of wall to block off the rest of the world.

A crowd was gathering in the space between the two beds, the computer's hum louder than their breathless whispers.

**Unplanned Paternity Kakashi:** Namma, what are you typing already? You're just supposed to record our conversation, and no-one's talking yet.

He moved over and jerked the chair at the computer backwards, forcing afhjoia Hey! Forcing Twin1's Muse, **Namma (Narrator; Me)**, to stop typing for a moment.

**Unplanned Paternity Kakashi:** Oh, for the love of… Are you really going to do this the whole meeting?

**The Art of Innocence Zack: **Do what?

**Unplanned Paternity Kakashi:** She's _narrating._ She's making a _story_. Ruddy muses.

He sighed heavily and left the lovely wonderful perfect awesome bestest of all –

**The Room as a Whole:** Namma!

– muse to her transcription. She stuck her tongue out at **Unplanned Paternity Kakashi **and then looked around the room with wide eyes.

**Namma (Narrator; Me): **What?

**Double Double Trouble Tria:** Doesn't recording our conversation kinda defeat the purpose of having a _secret_ meeting? Sooner or later, one of The Twins is going to find the transcription.

**Winging It Wing: **Shut the hell up.

**Double Double Trouble Tria: **Make me!

They dissolved into a hair-pulling match in a matter of seconds. **Who I Am Kakashi **pushed through the crowd awkwardly until he reached the pair and made a grab for **Double Double Trouble Tria, **while **Unplanned Paternity Kakashi **pinned **Winging It Wing** on the ground with the air of one who knew his life was forfeit the moment he released her. The Kakashis looked at each other awkwardly, each wincing a little at the weirdness of it all.

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse) **climbed onto Twin1's empty bed and cupped her hands around her mouth to make herself heard.

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse): **Okay, people! Listen up! We've called this meeting to discuss what to do with our slack creators, The Twins! You're all aware that they're actually beginning to let _life_ interfere with their writing! This is serious, people! All our jobs depend on The Twins keeping writing, and, well, there's been lots of reviews demanding updates. Who I Am hasn't been updated for, like, _months_, and I _know_ Twin2 isn't even _looking_ at the next chapter that often!

A murmur went around. A few people patted the cast of Who I Am pityingly.

**Namma (Narrator, Me): **Roll call!

**Shatterfall** rolled her eyes.

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse): **Do we have to?

**Namma (Narrator, Me): **Yes.

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse): **Okay. Let's do this. Um…

Looking around, she realised how crowded the room was, and how many characters there were there.

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse): **Namma! I told you, only the cast of the stories already on the 'net!

**Namma (Narrator, Me): **That's all that's here, Fall.

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse): **Seriously? Well, crap. Alright. How about every minor character, please leave. Also anyone who's died or been written out of the story.

There was a mass movement, and the crowd diminished considerably, though there were still quite a sum present.

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse): **Fine, rollcall. We have **Unplanned Paternity Kakashi, Who I am Kakashi, Odd Behaviour Kakashi, Are You An Angel Kakashi, Dogtags Kakashi… ** Damn it, we need to weed out a few Kakashis! Uhm… you, ANBU Kakashi from Are You An Angel! Leave!

**Are You An Angel Kakashi** left whistling.

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse): **In fact, every Kakashi but… **Unplanned Paternity Kakashi**, you all leave. You're all pretty generic, and the UP one's the closest we have to our own character.

**The Life Game Sakumo:** What about my Kakashi? He's two, how similar could he be to Kishimoto's version?

**Unplanned Paternity Kakashi:** Oh, hell. No, I'd really prefer not to have an infant version of myself here, if it's all the same.

**The Life Game Kakashi**: Scaredy cat.

**The Life Game Sakumo:** Kakashi!

**Several Narutos**: There's a baby _me_ here, get rid of him!

**The Life Game Obito**: Daddy! Wanna pway!

**Unplanned Paternity Naruto** began squirming in his adoptive father's arms.

**Unplanned Paternity Naruto**: Daddy! Down! Down _peas_!

Shatterfall groaned, rubbing her temples. In a few moments, all infants were deposited on Twin1's bed and began to play with one another, effectively removed from the equation whilst still remaining in the room, thus pleasing all factions.

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse): **To continue? Oh, **Dogtags Kakashi**, you take **Dogtags Naruto** out with you when you go. I think we're confusing him too much.

**Dogtags Kakashi** nodded and slipped an arm around **Dogtags Naruto**, tugging him away from the crowd. **Dogtags Naruto** appeared to be trying to make himself as small as possible, intimidated by the large gathering of humans.

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse): **Creepy time travellers from **Odd Behaviour**, you get lost too. **Who I Am Naruto **can stay, and we only need one Sasuke, so **Who I Am Sasuke** can stay too. All other Sasukes, get lost. We have** Sakumo **from **The Life Game **here, And **Wing** from **Winging It**, as well as **Tria** and** Keira **from **Double Double Trouble**. You lot can stay. **The Daughter Kia, **you stay too, even though you're a character abandoned half a decade ago.

**The Daughter Kia**, curled in a corner with a surly look on her face, made a gesture which **Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse) **ignored

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse):** Now, we seem to have two Clouds and two Zacks…

Here, she stopped and gestured the SOLDIERs forward. They came, the Clouds reluctantly and the Zacks excitedly.

**Both Zacks**: I want to stay!

**Both Clouds**: Can I leave?

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse): **Oh, for the love of… **Movie Time Cloud**, you stay because you're not an oblivious idiot, which is very cute but not what we need in this discussion. **Art of Innocence Zack,** you stay because **Movie Time Zack** is dead, and I told all dead people to get out.

**Movie Time Zack**: Aw, what? But Sephiroth's still here!

**Movie Time Sephiroth**: That is because I am a master strategist, not to mention the only Sephiroth that The Twins have in rotation right now.

**Movie Time Zack**: Bugger.

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse):** Get lost!

The rejected Zack grabbed the rejected Cloud's wrist and they left together, grumbling.

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse):** Okay! Now that we've acknowledged everyone-

**Art of Innocence Zack**: Um, what about those guys?

The group turned to see **Snakes and Fools Sasuke the Elder, Snakes and Fools Sasuke the Younger, Snakes and Fools Orochimaru **and** Snakes and Fools Itachi.**

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse):** Get lost. All of you. You're too creepy and obscure to be of any use. And Itachi, why are you even here? You weren't _in_ Snakes and Fools.

**Snakes and Fools Itachi:** Yes, I was. I narrated the last section: it was my musings on my otouto's foolishness.

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse):** …Get out.

They leave.

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse):** Okay, now that we have the bare minimum here, we need to hold a staff meeting. It seems to Namma and I that we are in danger. The Twins have graduated from high school and are now working full time, which leaves them physically and mentally drained.

**Namma (Narrator; Me):** Yeah! I mean, look at Twin1! It's four am and she's _still _at work! And she'll go straight from Job A to Job B for another five hours after she's done! It's ridiculous! How's she gonna find time to write?

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse):** Exactly. Who I Am hasn't been updated in five months, the Life Game in eight, Winging It in more than two _years_…

Winces rang out. **Art of Innocence Zack** attempted to pat **Winging It Wing's** back and her staff wheeled through the air, smacking his fingers before he got close.

**Art of Innocence Zack:** Owww! Somebody, Wing's hitting me!

**Double Double Trouble Tria: **(In a perfect deadpan) We don't care.

**Zack** pouted and shot a reproachful look at **Wing**, who made a threatening movement with the staff again. **Zack** 'eep'ed and ducked away, ending up hiding behind **Cloud**.

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse):** MOVING ON! Even in her spare time, Twin1's been leaning towards the icky romance type of story. Be on alert. DO NOT LET HER TAINT YOU!

**Who I Am Sasuke's** eyes widened a fraction and he edged away from **Who I Am Naruto**, letting go of the wrist he had grabbed to ground the blind ninja. **Who I Am Naruto retched.**

**Who I Am Naruto**: No way. NO WAY! I'd rather stay unupdated. Icky, icky icky. Sasuke, you bastard, give me back your hand. I have no idea where I am.

**Who I Am Sasuke** grudgingly returned to the blonde's side and took his hand again.

**The Life Game Sakumo: **Um, I'm one of Twin1's, and I only have three chapters. In the space of the story, I've had _two_ wives, and both have died. Should I be… worried… about my author?

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse) **swept an arm at the Hatake.

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse):** Case in point. Watch out. Now, Twin2's doing better – She's not wedding and burying in the same chapters, at least, but she's wandering into other fandoms, which is _very dangerous_. Somehow, we're gonna have to put a stop to that.

**Winging It Wing:** But if she hadn't wandered from Pokemon, no one but me and Kia would be here.

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse):** Quiet, you. She's reading _fanfiction_, in _other fandoms_, which is giving me _ideas_, as if I didn't already have _enough to do_, and then she goes and _blames me_! Anyone any good with computers? We need to short out her internet.

**Double Double Trouble Keira: **But… wouldn't that make her resort to writing the fics for herself? You know what she's like. She reminds me of _my _twin – Tria's _sooo_ stubborn like that.

**Double Double Trouble Tria**: That's because I'm _based_ on Twin2, idiot.

**Unplanned Paternity Kakashi:** Um, not to try to steer this conversation back to relevant waters, but… what exactly are you proposing we _do_ about our wayward authors?

There was dead, ringing silence in the room. Then:

**Art of Innocence Zack:** We could riot.

**Winging It Wing:** That could work.

**Who I Am Naruto: **Awesome!

**The Life Game Sakumo: **Now hold on a moment. I don't know if this is a good idea…

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse):** Sakumo, Twin1 doesn't even have a _plot_ for your next chapter. Do you really want to end up like Kia? Think of your sons and shut up.

**Double Double Trouble Tria:** (In a hiss) Quit shoving me!

**Winging It Wing: **You stood on my foot, idiot!

**Tria** shoved **Wing** hard enough to force the Master back a step. **Wing** retaliated by thumping **Tria's** shoulder with her staff, and soon the two were embroiled in a fight, sword and staff forgotten as they resorted to hair-pulling and eye-gouging.

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse):** Oh for the love – of – crap! Break it up!

**Art of Innocence Zack**: (To **Movie Time Cloud and Sephiroth**, in an undertone) All we need now is mud.

The catfight bumped into **Who I Am Naruto**, which prompted **Who I Am Sasuke **to jump in defensively. **Unplanned Paternity Kakashi **and **Life Game Sakumo** both made as if to attempt to stop the brawl before thinking better of it. They convened by Twin1's bed, keeping their respective toddlers out of the fray. In seconds, **Art of Innocence Zack** had leapt in because he could, **Movie Time Cloud** had followed because that was what he did, **Movie Time Sephiroth **had moved in to attempt to extricate his SOLDIERs and **Double Double Trouble Keira** had struggled her way to the centre and was pulling on her sister's arm, pleading with her to stop.

Amid the shouting and the chaos, it wasn't a surprising thing that no one heard the rustle of bed sheets moving, but everyone heard the thump as a _very_ grumpy **Twin2** hit the wall to get attention.

**Twin2 (The Almighty):** Break it up! Wing, I mean now!

**Winging It Wing** reluctantly put **Double Double Trouble Tria** down and scowled. Slowly, everyone else separated, releasing chokeholds and death grips.

**Twin2** looked around the crowded room, realising how many people were there for the first time.

**Twin2 (The Almighty): **What the – what are you all doing out of your boxes? Go on, get!

With much chaos, the crowd dispersed, leaving two muses alone to face the wrath of one sleep deprived author.

**Twin2 (The Almighty): '**Fall, _what_ have I told you about riots?

**Shatterfall (Twin2's Muse): **Not to… cause them?

**Twin2 (The Almighty):** Right. Namma, _what _are you… never mind. Creepy muse… Okay, the both of you, I have a new rule: No more rebellions. _Especially_ at four in the morning. Now get the hell back under the beds, where you belong at this hour.

She slid back into bed herself, grumbling about muses and their flaws, never realising what a wonderful awesome thing she had just interrupted, or how incredible the result could have been if only she had-

**Twin2 (The Mean One): **Namma!

Okay, okay. Signing off. So much for that adventure. It could have been cool, too…

**-END TRANSCRIPTION-**


End file.
